1. Ring me at 8.30, just as I'm getting ready to retreat for the night.
  2. Tell me my Windows gateways are damaged.
  3. Quote me my licence ID number.
  4. When I become cagey, threaten a complete breakdown of my computer.
  5. When I say I want to talk with my computer advisor, tell me he has neither the access nor the skills.
  6. Show me a great long list of error warnings, and insist that I look at every one, even though I don't have a clue what they mean.
  7. Repeat that you are based in Newtown Sydney, and that your name is David and that I can ring this number to check (except that I'm already on the phone to you.)
  8. Tell me my firewall is not … something.
  9. Ask for money.
  10. Tell me that payment is through the Bank of Baroda.
  11. Reassure me that your name is George, and I can ring this number…
  12. Now you have me comatose, tell me the clean up of my computer will take about 2 hours, but I don't need to sit there with it.
  13. Be aware that when I return to wakefulness tomorrow, scepticism flourishes. I ring my computer advisor, change my bank password and cancel my credit card.